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javierf
101 Posts |
 Posted - 05/20/2008 : 10:49:13 AM
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One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
Ben searches diligently throught the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here."
Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?"
Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron." |
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Carpet Muncher
1328 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2008 : 10:53:49 AM
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To celebrate their 7th anniversary, a man and his wife spend the weekend at an exclusive golf resort. He is a pretty good golfer, but she only just started. When they head down to the golf course after a lavish lunch and a bottle of champagne, they notice a beautiful mansion a couple of hundred yards behind the first hole.
"Let's be extra careful, honey," the husband says, "If we damage that house over there, it'll cost us a fortune."
The wife nods, tees off and - bang! - sends the ball right through the window of the mansion.
"What the ****?," the husband says. "I told you to watch out for that house. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see what the damage is."
They walk up to the house and knock on the door.
"Come on in," a voice in the house says.
The couple open the door and enter the foyer. The living room is a mess. There are pieces of glass all over the floor and a broken bottle near the window. A man sits on the couch.
When the couple enter the room, he gets up and says, "Are you the guys who just broke my window?"
"Um, yeah," the husband replies, "sorry about that."
"Not at all, it's me who has to thank you. I'm a genie and was trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. You've just released me. To show my gratitude, I'm allowed to grant each of you a wish. But - I'll require one favor in return."
"Really? That's great!" the husband says. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem - that's the least I can do. And you, what do you want?" the genie asks, looking at the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," the wife says.
The genie smiles. "Consider it done."
"And what's this favor we must grant in return, genie?" the husband asks.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that stupid bottle for the last thousand years, I haven't had sex with a woman for a very long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband scratches his head, looks at the wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all these houses, honey. So I guess I'm fine if it's alright with you."
The genie and the wife disappear in a room upstairs and make love for an hour, while the husband stays in the living room.
When they are done, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife and asks, "How old exactly is your husband?"
"31," she replies.
"And he still believes in genies? That's amazing!" |
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ski2313
683 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2008 : 11:03:59 AM
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Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls".
It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?
Signed,
Perplexed
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monarchdad
1682 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2008 : 11:53:24 AM
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A threesome of woman went out on the course to play a round. As they were teeing off, swarms of bees were flying all over the course. Finally, they could take it no longer. One of the ladies stormed back to the starter's shack and demanded her green fees back. "Conditions are unplayable, there are bees everywhere out there," she said. "In fact, I was stung right between the first and second hole."
"My goodness," the starter replied, "you must be taking a very wide stance." |
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americanheartlan
2114 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2008 : 12:08:36 PM
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| My game is so bad this year I had to have my ball retriever regripped. |
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mbrownusa
755 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2008 : 12:35:54 PM
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There was once a very inspirational preacher, but he had a tremendous
weakness for golf. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the
golf course swinging away. It was an obsession for him. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky,and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called anassistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him.
Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. She went to the Lord and
said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
The Lord nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away a picture perfect hole-in-one.
He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. She turned to The Lord and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him." The Lord smiled and said, "Think about it -- who can he tell?"
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mbrownusa
755 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2008 : 12:38:24 PM
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Two gay guys were enjoying a pleasant round of golf when a foursome of Hell's Angels began hitting into them from behind. One gay guy finally becomes angry and turns to his partner, "If those big bad boys hits into us one more time, Seymour, you fall down and act like the ball hit you very very hard in the head. We'll just sue those naughty boys."
Sure enough, next hole they drove the ball directly into the gay twosome. "Now, Seymour, now! Fall down. Well show them..." The Angels walk up to the standing and lying gay guys and say, "What the hell's going on here?"
"You just hurt my friend Seymour really bad, and we're going to get a lawyer and sue you....how do you like that?"
The Angel replys, "Oh Blow Me!"
The gay guy exclaims, "Seymour, Seymour, get up! They want to settle out of court!"
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